My spotless mind

I dont know what the hell is going on with C and I right now.
We had a conversation the other day that came too soon, too intensely and was too pressured. I said we should stop what we are doing, he fought back a little bit, opened up a little bit and we ended the night with a kiss and were ok the next day. The next evening we had a similar conversation.
“For now, maybe you were right and we should go with the decision you made last night,” is the text I got after telling him I doubted his intentions. I brought up a couple points and he said “can we just talk about this tomorrow?”
So yesterday morning, like every morning for the past two months, he called me on his way to work and talked to me like nothing was wrong. All day was normal and when he left work, he said “okay, I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yeah?” I said.
“Of course,” he responded with a rare understanding look.
So about an hour later, he texts me asking about the rest of my shift and seeing what I’m up to.
Wednesdays are usually our night to go out and drink, end up in bed and him staying the night. He was feeling under the weather so he stayed in last night.
This morning at quarter-til-seven, I get a “you up?” Text and he’s at my place less than 15 minutes later.
“I didn’t see you last night and I couldn’t go to work on a thursday morning without seeing you.”
It feels like everything has just gone back to normal, but I don’t know if that’s the intention on his end.
I think part of his morning visit was knowing that I’m headed to Chicago with a guy that he doesn’t know today and he feels weary about it knowing that we have been on the rocks for the past couple of days.
I don’t fucking know. We will have to see.

See Post tags #my love life is a mess #c

I fucking ruin everything.

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